Yesterday at work around 4 o’clock after our bosses and this other crazy lady who thinks she’s our boss left the office for the day, and it was just a few of us, I told my 2 coworkers that I would be giving my notice this Friday and that I would be going to Spain to teach English, AND IT WAS AWESOME! Seriously best reactions I’ve gotten about moving to Spain yet. Haha. I’m sitting here with a big smile on my face just thinking about it. It was so priceless. Miriam’s face was the best. She was so happy for me. They were so shocked and excited!! Everyone else in my life has known that I had applied long time ago, it was a very long process, and they were prepped, so their reactions were much softer, and diluted, because it sort of happened over time. But to tell my coworkers who had NO IDEA it was coming. Just, WONDERFUL. Like, “What!!?? You’re quitting all this bullshit and moving to SPAIN!?? HELL YA!!”
It felt like that song, John Mayer’s “No Such Thing” that song has always felt like such an anthem for freedom to me. (I know, John Mayer’s a douche blah blah blah, save it because I love him) “I just found out there’s not such thing as the real world, just a lie you’ve got to rise above.” I love that. Ya, I can quit my job and go to Spain. I don’t have to work here and do this just because it’s what my parents or my family or my friends or society thinks I should do, I can do something different. Leo said something that was particularly nice, he said, “You are so the type of person who would do something like this, just pick up and go.” I took it as an enormous compliment. The fact that he wasn’t all that surprised I would do this, that he considered me the type of person who would. Because before I never really thought this was something I ever would have the guts to do. Something I wanted to do, yes, but I wasn’t sure I would ever get there. I skipped out the office feeling on top of the world, like I could have busted through those doors, punched the air, and jumped up and done one of those heel kicks.
Speaking of security, it’s funny that I happened to tell my coworkers this yesterday because just a few hours earlier I was practically fighting back tears at my desk. (I know, I’m emotional, I’m very aware.) I was having one of my “untethered moments” as I’ve come to call them. When I imagine myself as a tether ball that has just been released from it’s leash mid orbit, flying through the air in slow motion, like, oh gosh, where am I going to land? Will I like it? Will it be scary? (Then other times when I’m feeling optimistic I imagine my tether ball-self with it’s ball-head tilted back, big ass grin on it’s face, and little arms spread wide, eagerly anticipating my adventure.) Anyways, back to my overt emotions. Given, I was maybe more emotional because I haven’t been getting much sleep lately- I lay in bed and dream, and pick, and go over, and through, and over again the lists in my head, travel ideas, packing plans, anything involving my impending move. Where should I go for Christmas? How far can I get on a 3 day weekend? Do I need more pants? (You know, because you can’t buy pants in Spain or anything.) Anyways, I was also probably more emotional than usual because on top of lack of sleep I took an adderall because of my lack of sleep. Solving problems with drugs, ya! (I used to have a prescription for it soooo I feel like it’s okay?? I swear this was a rare occurrence. Moving on!) So I’m at my desk fighting back tears thinking in my head, this is so what I get, and then getting to, is this where I’m supposed to be? Is this my path? Will going to Spain exhaust me of this yearning I’ve had inside of me so for long? Will I feel better afterwards? Generally just feeling really unsure of myself. And then, I told my coworkers I was going to Spain, and it was awesome. And magically, all felt right in the world again… Ya, ok, I can do this.