Settling in, sort of.


So despite the fact that I kinda want to kill myself I have to say it is a gorgeous beach to live on. It’s another beautiful, lonely day in paradise. I am living in a place that many people would love to be just for the scenery alone. I walked out on the boardwalk today, after going for a quick stop at the grocery store for some essentials. I realized last night when I woke up at 3am, that buying fruit and vegetables, a little pollo, water and wine, just isn’t going to cut it. And believe me, if I could get my hands on some peanut butter I would. I almost got nutella today at the mercado but I decided against it. I figured that was too dangerous especially given my delicate state. I’d eat the entire jar in one lonely night. Which is apparently every night so far. Anyways, I walked out onto the boardwalk this morning on my way to the coffee shop down the street so I could use their wifi, and I looked out onto the beach and the sun rays were breaking through the clouds, shining down onto the ocean making the ripples sparkle. It looked like God. It’s tough to keep faith when you are feeling confused my God’s ways. And I know, I know I know, God works in mysterious ways. I feel sort of ashamed for admitting this, but this morning I wanted to be like, God, is that you? Here I am, over here in Garrucha, just in case you forgot about me. In case you wanted to send me some friends to hang out with or something. I’m sure God has bigger fish to fry. But I know that despite the fact this situation feels like it sucks balls right now it will be good for me. I think. I hope? I’m sure it will be. I said before I left, that even if it sucks it will be good for me, and worth it. I have to trust my journey and my path. And really, I’m in Spain, I can travel all over if I play it right, budget myself and plan accordingly. I have the chance to see things I’ve dreamed of for years. So really, Rachael. Get your attitude together and get out there.

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