Leaving home, heading to Korea

I’m on the plane to Korea and I know this is going to sound really contrived and ridiculous, but I can’t help but smile to myself in contentment, thinking, this is exactly where I want to be. I’m not 100% sure it’s where I’m supposed to be, but I think this is it. My passion, I’ve realized the past year, is people, our cultures, how they intertwine, how people communicate in different places, how they cook, live, everything. I love knowing people. I love how their differences makes me laugh, how they excite me, intrigue me, and make me want to know more.

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I grew so attached to my friends and family at home this summer. And I was only home for 2 months, almost exactly. After I shared a tearful goodbye (on my mother’s part) after being dropped off at the airport (not that I won’t miss her, just really excited) I checked in and went to find my old roommate from Spain, Scott. He’s going to Korea too and we happened to be leaving at the same time. And he asked if I was nervous or anything and I was like, no! I’m not at all I’m actually really excited!

After I landed my job in Seoul I was pretty terrified for about a week, I’m not gonna lie. But after my nerves subsided and it donned on me that I’m just doing pretty much the same thing I did last year all over again, just in a new country, and that I’ve done this before and I can do it again. And I calmed down. And once I calmed down I got really excited.

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I have to say, as I’m sitting here, totally content with myself, with my ‘I wouldn’t trade my place with anyone in the world’ feeling, it makes me think about how many people have told me how proud and envious they are of me. Which is funny because I don’t see myself as any better or different than I was before, just living in a different spot in the world. While these situations have bettered me absolutely, which is seriously the best gift I could ever ask for, I’ve become more calm, more content, and just all around happier, I stress less, I care about the things that really matter more, I don’t freak as easily over the things I cannot change, I still feel the same.

But, I’m really freaking lucky. Yes I made this happen, but still, I’m lucky. Like I was saying before, people are like, ‘we’re so proud of you, living the dream! I wish I could do or would have done what you’re doing!’ I always have this sort of detached reaction, like what their saying doesn’t quite pertain to me, but this other, more adventurous, person, who I know is me, but… I just don’t feel like it’s me their envious of,  because, it’s just me. Same as before.

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I know this makes no sense. I just feel like I didn’t really chose this life, it kind of chose me. I think it was something I needed to fully grow, and I just so happened to have found this secret portal to this beautiful life, and also just happened to have been in the perfect situation to take that jump.

Yes it was something I’ve always wanted to do, it was something that had been quietly nagging at me for years. I always wanted to move away, to experience something different and quench my curiosities. Ever since I decided to stay local to go to college. I’d always wished I’d gone away. Now I’m going farther than I ever thought possible.

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I still always think that I have Audrey to thank for all of this. My old roommate in Huntington Beach, one of the kindest souls I have ever known and still one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I don’t think either of us would have moved to Spain without the other, we were so scared, and now it’s led to me doing even more. I always look back and think, thank god for Auds. So, Audrey Jean 🙂 if you’re reading this, I know I’ve already told you, but, thank you.

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